Conversation With a 'Different' Friend

So finally I'm back to scribble down few more vague and wild thoughts,mixing reality with fiction .Its been quite a few months since I've posted anything after my shaky start in the world of blogging.. Many times I was tempted to write something or other but always fell short somewhere in the middle, encountering a dead end. I've particularly liked the mild criticism spatted on my blogs by few,because it meant they've read the blog properly and used their own pragmatic & rational thoughts

Like earlier ones, this one too is a weird topic, but what the heck, Its my blog. And as my brother Nilesh told me once,'' its your blog, and you can write any shit you feel like to", …. The topic may prompt few people to jump out of seat in disgust, but its about a real life incidence of my conversation with a gay, which had a kinda lingering effect on me pulsating for the time longer than it should've….

Let me admit it, once u scratch the maneuvered and politically correct me, I'm as racist, stereotype and chauvinistic Indian male one can get. As expected, I always thought gays are nothing but mentally disordered people. The very image of gay in my mind was never different from what is showed in movies : a skinny plucked chicken guy, wearing floral shirts, comic enough to be laughed at, whose only pleasure in the world is through getting rammed in his backyard.Unlike females, who are more open about their slight inclination towards same gender , for men any such accusation is like molten lead poured into their ears. Many females, unapologetic, confessed to me that they'd bisexual experiences. Many went ahead by saying that a majority of women, though repressive, are attracted to other women. But for men, its still a taboo cos they exist as 'mard' who is always suppose to sweep charming women off their feet by his valor, ostensible machoism as depicted by our mythological gods. My only first hand experience with a homosexual was in front of NASA Pub,Brigade Road, Bangalore during my engineering days. One huge scrawny,drunk guy came out of nowhere in front of me and tried to whisper something. Bit amused, I asked what happened. and before I could react, he tried to drag me to himself for a hug or god know what. Shit scared, I spitted most undignified expletives and ran for my life. I experienced vicariously what women feel when eve-teased.

Anyways, coming back,this anecdote is about the encounters I had with a 33 year old guy who lives in my neighborhood in Rajinder Nagar, Delhi. A highly qualified individual, MBA from XLRI, Vertical Head of a giant MNC,a teetotaler, sole caretaker of his sick parents, a suave and sophisticated person to interact with his innocence intact. His only stigma: his sexual orientation.

It started on a cricket world cup day when I was rushing for my friend’s flat. Plan was to watch the match together. As per habit, I went to the nearby Mom n Pop’s retail shop for a large packet of chips and Cola.While returning, my hastened steps were paused by a voice from behind,’’Hey, what’s the score?” I turned back for a nanosecond in the direction of that childlike voice to find a man.I hurriedly replied,’’Match yet to start, only toss is done.’’ He nodded as I sprinted to my destination to witness Sehwag hit one more first ball boundary.

A couple of weeks later when summer started flexing its humongous muscles in Delhi and power cuts became a synonymity with evenings, I was strolling down the by-lane when the same voice interrupted me,’’Hey, is your flat’s motor (for water) working?”

I replied,’’For past couple of days, we had problems.But since today morning its been generous.”

‘’Oh, we've been facing this crisis of water since last one week’’

‘’So how are you people managing?’’I asked

‘’We call a municipal water tanker every evening to get our buckets filled.Its a tiresome job.’’

There was something strange in his mannerisms and gestures.He was in his 30s still that heaviness of voice and actions which accompany that age were absent.A little more observing and enquiry about this life and I’d a strong conviction that this man wasn’t straight.

Then he said few things which made me extra cautious if in case I already wasn’t. He said,’’You know, I’ve been noticing you since last few months,mostly in the evenings when you seem to go for the jog.’’

Saif, be alert.something is wrong.

‘’So, you are a regular at gym huh??’’He remarked.I made a mental note to never wear sleeveless tees when going to the nearby shops.I found his wink and smile too hard to bear and made an abrupt excuse to vanish from there. Later I enquired a little about him and was confirmed about his sexual orientation. What the Fuck,Maaan!!. Now everything has boiled down to this? Me being hit by a gay???Yucks….’’I felt terribly weird.

A couple of days later when I was returning from Karol Bagh Metro Station from the Sunday noon show of Transformers 3, someone patted me on shoulder.I turned back to find the same guy.Let’s call him Sanjay for the reference.

Sanjay: “Hey Saif, Wassup? I called your name thrice but you didn’t respond?”In a picosecond I composed myself and replied,’’Hey Sanjay, I’m sorry brother, was using earphones.’’

Sanjay: ‘’Where are you upto?’’

Me:’’Nothing brother,Going to my flat’’

“Oh, nice,even I was going back home only.Let’s walk.’’

‘’What?? Hmmm…Ok..Ya ..let’s walk’’

‘’So you work in Delhi or studying something?’’His scissor type tongue didn’t know the concept of break.

I’m the Al-Qaeda’s India Chief,planning to bomb your locality.He told me about his background and job profile and what not.and I just kept walking.I constantly felt the urge to shoo him away using chosen expletives but cudn’t do so.Whenever I spoke to him,the statement started with ‘brother’.

I called him brother so many times that after a point, it became awkward even for me.

As we passed his flat, he uttered one of his most reiterated statements of our conversation,’’ Wanna have tea?’’

In your dreams, you d**k crazy guy. I came up with another excuse of some urgent work at home.yes, urgent work on a Sunday evening.

I didn't like being rude, but there was no option.I cudn't let him have the slightest iota of doubt that I was OK with his advances. But later, there was a revelation by him which made me change my cold attitude.One day, after bumping into him nearby my home I exchanged casual pleasantries,unwillingly of course,and started looking for a fresh excuse to vanish asap when I saw a pile of medical reports in his hands. Curiously, I asked if everything was alright. He replied in a low tone that his father was in the last stage of stomach cancer and therefore he had to make frequent visits to the hospital.There was nobody else at home to take care of him too. I asked,'' What about your mother? She isn't there to help you in looking after your dad?'' He replied that she passed away 6 months back after being paralyzed for 27 years. And this was the reason he left many promotions which cud've resulted in him leaving the city and being away from her.

I thought, he nursed his mother for 27 years and now is on the verge of losing his father. Still he passionately nurses him like a ritual. I had recently lost my youngest uncle because of lung cancer and was aware of the trauma my mom went through. I didn't get a good feeling at all after that. Probably, I should've waited before jumping into conclusions about people. I waved goodbye to him and lit my cigarette to have few deep puffs.

Next time when I spotted him, he was in a rush and stopped by for a quick greet and explained that it being saturday, he was paying all the bills here and there and also buying new dozes of medicines for his ailing father. I enquired about his father's health and his job.But this time, I wasn't looking to run away or thrash him. I genuinely spoke like a friend, acted like a friend and meant like a friend.

Honestly speaking, I thoroughly enjoyed the conversation afterwards.. we cracked jokes, cribbed about our work and bosses, nitty-gritty of running business, commented on how the Indian Cricket team should play and how the Anna Hazare Movement is affecting the people - typical Male conversations….only part missing was we didn't talk about women… though i doubt if he even noticed that.

As he left and rushed to do his usual chores , I started pondering. What was it that made him feel like an untouchable to me?

If I've no inhibitions in sharing smoke and wine with rich spoilt brats who visit prostitutes and brag about it , If i can refer to an absolute corrupt official as Sir just because he is important for my work, why do I have apprehensions about having a harmless cup of tea with a man who looked after his paralyzed mother for 27 long years? just because his needs in his private bedroom are different from most of ours? just because naturally he has some discrepancies which we are fortunate enough not to have? we dare not make fun of a corrupt policeman who stops us at signal and demands money then why this hapless chap, who is not causing harm to my society as much as these parasites? if every female who interacts with me, laughs n shares her stories, doesn't conclude that I'm trying to get into her pants, why am I manifesting such inhibitions towards this guy.

After pondering over it for long enough, I tried to do away with this pseudo-cultured man in me. I decided the next time in case this innocent man looks for a friend for a harmless chat for 5 odd minutes, wants to share his grief or moment of success, offers me a cup of tea and smoke, I'm gonna reply,'' Ya ofcourse Dude, why not :) ''