Thoughts of a Pessimist

Yes, you got it right !! I’m probably a pessimist. That’s the reason which makes me more disturbed when I see 40 % of Mumbai’s population living in slums rather than being fascinated by Worli-Bandra Sea Link. And probably that’s why I’m less bemused by slogans like ‘India Shining, Grand success of IPL, Technology Boon, mammoth growth in GDP,etc.’ cos I know that within same period, India gained 100 million poor people, the Maoists grew stronger & the tiger slid towards extinction.

May be my cynical attitude always takes me to the darker aspects of India’s success story which my fellow Indian brothers don’t care to observe. The GDP growth of 8% excites me lesser when I see that India is still ranked 128^th in Per Capita Income chart of the world or rather say it when 77% population is surviving on less than Rs. 20 a day.

Fortune magazine may be screaming loud about the growing number of millionaires in India, but the fact that 90% of India’s wealth is in deep pockets of less than 10% fellows stands as a more truthful and clearer statement to me. Politicians, media and bureaucrats as always, chose to grin ostensibly, explaining how India is now a part of 12 biggest nations’ club and how India is shining. I too at times want to sink in this ‘feel good’ feeling but then my pessimism shivers me back to think.

What has happened to the middle class Indian today?? After witnessing everything that is going wrong, he prefers to sit back and watch Rakhi Sawant’s swyamvar or bribes some official to extend his house’ s boundary illegally.

Few people kill a woman by throwing stones assuming that she’s a daayan (witch) and she’ll engulf whole village. On the other hand there are people who spend their whole day worrying & discussing ‘who’s going to win Dance-India-Dance’. If anyone is still left, he’ll kill his whole time watching cricket.

We’re happy having a tv or mobile phone in hand but don’t care about improving sanitary conditions of the surroundings. Today in India, out of 52 crore people who go in open for attending nature call, 5 crore are the ones carrying mobile phones.

Why have we become so insensitive today? Why the meaning of India has ceased to exist only within the boundary walls of our respective homes?

Why do we call oursellves civilized and patriotic when we don’t care about the killing of our neighbor and his innocent children only because he belongs to some different religion???

Why an olympic gold medallist or IPL winner is showered with crores of award money from govt. within weeks even though a rape victim or flood victim has to wait decades for a meagre compensation???

Why nobody raised a voice on the sky rocketing of fuel & food commodities, people committing suicide due to hunger even when 3 lakh tonnes of grains, enough to feed 20% population for a whole year, was rotting in the government stores due to lack of storage place???

Why we chose to look the other side when instead of trying to satiate the poor kid’s hunger, our agriculture minister became more interested in Cricket and ICC’s chief position???

Why we were more busy in exploring our new IPhones and Blackberrys when Telecom Minister is exposed in a Rs.80,000 crore scam??

Why it doesn’t matter to us when a pizza is delivered within 30 minutes but an ambulance never does??

Why the fruits of freedom are supposed to enjoy only in cities like Delhi, Mumbai and Bangalore when dissent has become a deadly disease & stone throwing protestors in Kashmir are met with a murderous hail of bullets??

Why people waste hundreds of litres of milk on statues of Rajnikanth when farmers are commiting suicide when unable to feed their children 2 rotis a day???

Why people are dying to see a semi-naked Mallika Sherawat in cities when only few hundred kilometers away khap-panchayats, female feticides and honor killings in the guise of religious outrage is being witnessed day after day??

Even after 64 years of Independence , what kind of freedom is this? What is different today in India which was absent in British regime?? Fair skinned autocracy has changed into brown skinned administration, that’s it?? Then why is there so much fuss about this supposed independence?

May be we were never suppose to break free if we’re like this. May be it is in our genes to work under a strict master else we go haywire.

If the meaning of freedom is to spit & pee anywhere one wants, kill anyone in the name of religious sentiment, cause damage to nation’s property like railway & transport in the name of protest & agitation or molest women on Valentine’s Day in the name of Indian culture then I’m sorry mates…I beg to differ…I can’t assimilate to this ideology…….This freedom is unfit for Indians.

May be we’re better off as slaves. May be we do need to be put under such strict discipline that we don’t dare to mess with other’s pride, wealth, honor or affairs. If we aren’t moved by over neighbors agony only because he doesn’t belong to our caste, religion or culture then we’re are worse off than animals. If this is our reality then India may be great, but indeed, there is nothing remotely great about Indians.

And even though the thinkers of society can shamelessly proclaim that ‘All is Well’ , there is one pessimist Indian lying somewhere in some corner of the country, whose voice doesn’t matter, is yet to be impressed.

Bangalore Ghosts!!-episode 1

“Sir, Tea.” My peon gently says as he places the cup on my table and dips the T-Bag few times before adding 2 cubes of sugar in it. He looks at me expecting me to order him for something else. I quietly ask him to send Mr. P.K.Pandey, our administrative officer, in my chamber to start work on the pending assignments. As he leaves the chamber, I look at the fancy cup and the T-Bag. I instantly feel the urge to light up a cigarette, more out of habit, but then disappointingly have to curb the desire. This is the beginning of my usual day in office at Lucknow. I don’t really feel glad to drink tea in this fancy cup, neither do I enjoy these T-bags and sugar cubes. Worse, I can’t have a smoke in my office but one thing that I hate the most is the absence of my smoking partners Madu , Nilesh and Arjun. I feel like calling the peon and telling him to get the tea in a glass, remove T-Bags from it, and arrange a road divider for me to sit and smoke there but I keep quiet. Coz I know that even after doing all these things, I won’t have my pals sitting adjacent to me with whom I would share the smoke. I look across the tinted window partition and find my clerical staff starting the day with their usual gestures and one-liners. They play pranks; make fun of each other, sipping tea in glasses which tea vendor brought, finding humor out of the most boring topics. I feel like joining them, being a part of their pranks, pulling their legs, getting my legs pulled, to be a part of employees and not employers. I take my cup of tea in hand and enter their room. They fall silent, someone trying to sit properly, someone clearing objects from his table, someone hiding the small comb in his back pocket with which he was brushing his hair few moments back. They greet me in the most formal manner and I curse myself to play a spoilsport in their prank. I try to join the fun by taking someone’s case. I say to an accountant that there is a rumor that he behaves like a kitten in front of his wife. I look at the staff with a twinkle in my eye and they try to burst out in fake laughter. I crack few ultimate PJs, hoping at least someone will make a mockery of me but all I see is people laughing as if I’d cracked the joke of the millennium. I smile back my way to the chamber with a thought that pals in Bangalore would’ve literally kicked me in ass had I tried to make them laugh on such a PJ.

More than half a year has passed since I bid farewell to Bangalore and came to Lucknow. Much water has flown through river Cauvery in Karnataka and Gomati in Lucknow since I passed my college. Still, every morning the first thought that comes to mind is to yell “ Nilesh, Sutta hai kya tere paas??” Mom insists on me having Omelet with butter toast in breakfast while all I crave for is Ultra Mild Cigarette and full tea at Salim’s (Karnataka Tea House) followed by two banana shakes at Sharon’s which would take care of lunch as well. No rush to capture bathroom before anyone else does, no fighting for BT (Bangalore Times & not Bharat Talwar), no knocking 4-5 rooms to find sutta (Nilu’s, Madu’s, Arjun’s, & Saahil’s), no urgency to reach Java Lab on time which NARENDRA (hissssssss) used to take(confession: his name still instills a fear). I reach office on time day after day adding to my own surprise and stay till every one else has gone.

Several times a day, my subconscious asks me,” Are you really happy with this life? If luxury is something which a man craves for, you do have it in plenty. What is this thing which bothers you day and night?” I take a deep sigh everytime and answer, “ I miss the part of me which is left in Bangalore when I left it. I miss the backbench jokes, I miss nescafe’s Cold Coffee, I miss Sutta and pepsi at Smoker’s. I miss sharon’s Banana Shakes, Salim’s cardamom tea……..in all I miss being me. I miss having real friends and not people who are afraid of me, I want people to take my case and not the sycophants, I want to be with my pals day and night like I used to for more than 4 long years. I want the tension in the last days of months when money used to dry up in account, I want to feel jubilant when the Friday eve approaches, I want the fear of exams, the nervousness of approaching results, I want to be the trouble-creator in my system and not the trouble-shooter. I want to be the one who breaks discipline and not the one who punishes people for doing so.

What’s the point of having money in account when there is no one to spend it on? What’s the purpose of going to a swanky restaurant when you don’t have a company to share its experience?

How a Thousand rupee note rotting in your wallet can be any different from a useless piece of paper when it can’t get you things your heart craves for. Getting a free entry into a disc on weekend in Bangalore was always resulted in a small moral triumph. JKSS(Our Bakarchodi Sessions) with a Hukka resulted in the similar euphoria for me which a Vijay Mallya or a Richard Branson would enjoy after tasting their century old thousand dollar wine. Winning the cricket hostel cup by Ramroders resulted in a victory hug with similar intensity which Dhoni would’ve felt after winning 20-20 world cup.

Where are the Tushys? Where are the Madus? Where are the Nilus? Where are the Golus, the Modis, the Daddus, The Raos, The Arjuns, The BTs….the Demos….the Gentleys…the Kodis….All you assholes, Bloody spread in different parts of the country throughout…..Why is it so tough to get your replacement??? Why can’t I make new pals without comparing them with you??? Why? Fucking Why???…..

And sitting here in my plush office, I miss those times. I want to tell my peon to get me tea from Salim’s in a glass, allow me to have a smoke in office in front of everyone…. let me crack few informal jokes… let me be crude, undisciplined, wild, crazy, blunt, carefree as I was once…let me wear torn jeans and a red tee to the office….let me experience again with few bizarre styles…. Let me be unsophisticated for a while….let me with my friends again for a day………let my find my soul back for an instance……let me be Bangalored again for sometime…….